Happy April Fool’s!//Foolish Career Opportunity: Assistant Director of Reading

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UPDATE:

So we’re a lot late here, but Happy April Fool’s Day! Our Recruiting team had fun creating the below post, but we’re not in need of an Assistant Director of Reading – for now at least.

If you want to check out The Motley Fool’s REAL, LIVE jobs, please visit our Careers Site!
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Can you take any book thrown at you, read it at lightning-fast speeds, and easily summarize what it all means in a succinct, brief, and concise manner? Is your favorite dinosaur the thesaurus?

In the Fool’s knowledge-driven culture, our Learning and Development Program has expanded to include perks like Bookie Monster, Fool U, and the internal library to give Fools the opportunity to easily access books and, ultimately, become smarter. Along with their full-time role responsibilities, our internal bookworms now manage more fast-growing To-Read lists and piles of unread books.

That’s why The Motley Fool has decided to look for a a full-time Assistant Director of Reading to alleviate Fools’ overwhelming need to consume texts for work and fun. Reading can broaden understandings of Financial, Business, and Science Fictional worlds, and our future Assistant Director of Reading will turn 5 hours of reading into 5 minutes, opening up hours of a Fool’s time to accomplish so much more.

If you’re excited about this opportunity, keep reading the words below!

Primary Responsibilities and Objectives:

•Quickly read and comprehend a wide variety of fictional and non-fictional texts.

•Write, edit, and deliver synopses of any publication to Fools in an efficient manner. (Use the 3-5 rule: No more than a 3-5 sentence summary with a 3 to 5-hour turnaround.)

•Determine whether or not it’s necessary for a Fool to dedicate their time reading the entire book in greater detail.

•Thoroughly (and Thoreau-ly) track requests from Fools for data analysis.

•Recognize the immense value and significance of literary works over their visual adaptations. #always

Core Competencies:

•Able to read really, really fast
•Resistant to paper cuts
•Calm and collected demeanor, much like one you would see in a Taylor Swift music video
•Enjoy reading books in all formats (electronic, paperback, hardcover, spiral-bound, etc.)
•Unwavering concentration in what can be disruptive environments including nerf gun battles, planking sessions, and spontaneous birthday celebrations
•Able to juggle and differentiate multiple plot lines and feels

Preferred Qualities:

•Can beautifully highlight texts in straight lines
•Little to no experience with using bookmarks
•Fluent in at least 10 different languages, written or spoken
•Never feel cold despite multiple summary drafts surrounding you
•Currently in good standing with the literary community
•Can aggressively argue both sides of the Dewey Decimal vs. Library of Congress classification systems debate

Education and Training:

Master’s Degree in Reading and Literacy
Training in the practical uses of a time-turner

Don’t wait any longer, Fool – apply for this position here!